An Arrow, a Knock on the Head, and a Strait jacket
by RivendellWriter
Summary: Gandalf plays with Leglas's bow, Legolas falls in love with a tree, and Pippin gets put in a strait jacket! Find out the rest for yourself! Finished. Rated PG just to be safe. This is my first fanfic!
1. Introduction

I don't own any of the LOTR characters, ect. This is my first fanfic, so please R & R (read and review)! Note: This is just the intro. The rest of the chapters will be longer!  
  
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"Why not?" pleaded Gandalf, "Legolas is way on the other side of the forest surrounding Rivendell, and his bow is just _asking_ to be played with—I mean used!"

"I don't know..." Pippin hesitated, "The last time I tried that, I had to get stitches... thirty of them... _in my forehead_!"

"Oh poo you," replied Gandalf, swiping up Legolas's bow and an arrow. He strung the arrow and pointed it at Pippin's head, "Ha! Ha! You're dead!"

Pippin gave a girlish shriek and dove downward, covering his head with his hands. "That's not funny!" he screeched.

"Don't be such a baby," said Gandalf, aiming the bow away from Pippin and into the trees. "Besides, I _am_ The White Wizard (note my importance). I think I can handle a bow without hurting anyone." He absentmindedly dropped his finger from the bowstring, the arrow flying off with a twang. "I mean, _seriously_!"

There was a sickening "thwonk".

"Oww!" cried Legolas, only a few yards away, "Oh my... I don't... I don't feel so good..." he moaned, crumpling to the ground.

Pippin stared in horror first at the fallen elf, then at Gandalf, still holding the bow.

"Umm... oops?" Gandalf added lamely.  
  
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	2. Hi, I'm Legolas!

I don't own LOTR, ect. Please read & review!!  
  
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"Look what you did!" screamed Pippin frantically.

"Oh, come on. I'm sure he's fine," said Gandalf,

"Show him Legolas." The wounded elf remained motionless on the forest floor, an arrow embedded in his skull.

"See!" Pippin continued, "He's not moving!"

"He just needs a little help, that's all," Gandalf said, forcing the unconscious Legolas onto his feet only to "accidentally" drop him onto a large pointy rock.

"You're making it worse!" Now he has a large rock sticking through his chest!" Pippin screeched.

"Shake it off Legolas," urged the unsympathetic Gandalf.

"You're a monster!" Pippin said, horrified.

Suddenly, Aragorn walked into the clearing. "Hey," he asked casually, "What's up?"

Pippin pointed a trembling finger at the fatally wounded Legolas. "Oh my great regalness! What happened?" asked Aragorn, staring at poor Legolas. "You see," began Pippin, "Gandalf--"

"It doesn't matter," interrupted a nervous Gandalf, "Can you help him?"

"Well," said Aragorn a little proudly, "I _am _both healer _and_ ruler."

"Then just fix him!!!!" roared Pippin amazingly loudly for such a small hobbit.

"All right, all right," said Aragorn, annoyed that anyone would dare yell at him, the King of Middle-Earth. He kneeled down by the injured Legolas and inspected his many wounds. "Yep," commented Aragorn, "That is definitely an arrow." He stood up and brushed off his hands.

"That's all you can do?!" asked Pippin, angry.

"What do you mean?" asked Aragorn, "He's fine."

To the surprise of both Gandalf and Pippin, Legolas moaned, slowly getting up, "Where am I? What happened?"

"But..." stammered Gandalf, "How?"

"What's going on?" asked the puzzled Legolas, detangling the arrow from his hair. There was no blood on it. He mumbled to himself, "Brown and green, my favorite colors..."

"Let's just say that Legolas has a very hard head," stated Aragorn, "Instead of actually piercing his skull, it just kind of... bounced."

"Oh, look," said Legolas absently, staring at Aragorn's sword, "a pretty shiny thing..."

"And the pointy rock?" asked Pippin anxiously. "Oh, that," dismissed Aragorn, "Didn't you know that elves wear armor?"

"Hi, I'm Legolas. What's your name?" the delusioned elf asked a nearby tree.

"Is he going to be okay," asked Gandalf, unaware of the jabbering elf behind him.

"It's nice to meet you Marcia," Legolas said, happily, "Do you like brown and green?"

"Well..." hesitated Aragorn, glancing at Legolas, who was having a conversation with the tree. Gandalf looked behind him at the elf.

"Ha! Ha! Ha! You're so funny Marcia!" giggled Legolas.

"Oh no," groaned Gandalf, "This can't be good."

Legolas continued his conversation, oblivious to anyone but him and Marcia, "...once, I ate this slug. It was really gross. And then..."

Aragorn sighed, "Poor guy. Oh well... at least he's happy."

"...I decided to see what window cleaner tasted like, so I drank a whole bottle. Then I had to go to the emergency room, and they had to pump my stomach. And then..."

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	3. Sugar!

I don't own LOTR or Krispy Kreme donuts, ect. Please read and review!

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Elrond stormed into the main Rivendell hallway. After being so rudely interrupted from his morning cup of coffee, he was not in a good mood.

"All right," he fumed. Who is responsible for this little... accident? Hmmm? Who?!" Outside the window, Legolas was still talking to the tree.

Gandalf opened his mouth as if to say something, but reconsidered and remained silent.

"Yes Gandalf? I see you have something to say," asked the angry Elrond. "Well..." started Gandalf reluctantly, "You see..."

Elrond rolled his eyes in irritation, "Just spit it out!"

"Pippin did it!!" cried Gandalf, pointing an accusing finger at the bewildered hobbit. "I told him not to, but he wouldn't listen!"

"I should have known," sighed Elrond grimly, "Pippin, I believe you need to come with me."

"But... but..." the (for once) innocent hobbit stammered, "I didn't do it!"

"Now Pippin," scolded Gandalf, "Lying will get you no where." "He's right Pippin," said Elrond, "This is no time to play one of your silly little games."

"But, I honestly didn't do it," whispered Pippin.

"Then who did?" asked Elrond.

Pippin glanced at Gandalf, who looked guiltily at the floor. "I can't tell you," He said, "But it wasn't me."

Elrond grabbed the hobbit's jacket and began to lead him towards a large and muscular elf, "I am very disappointed in you Pippin. I thought you were better than this."

"You," Elrond said addressing the large elf, "Take this hobbit to the padded confinement room."

"Yes sir," replied the elf.

"Oh, and make sure to give him a nice new jacket... one with sleeves that tie in the back," instructed Elrond. "Of course," said the elf.

Pippin glared menacingly at Gandalf as he was being dragged roughly down the hall towards his new, soft residence. "I'll get you for this," he muttered.

"I wondered what happened? He used to be such a nice hobbit..." wondered Elrond.

"I don't know," faked Gandalf, "He just... snapped. Maybe it has to do with all the sugar youngsters eat these days."

"Yes," said Elrond as he thought guiltily about the large Krispy Kreme donut he had eaten that morning. "It must be the sugar."  
  
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	4. Jingle Bells! Gandalf Smells!

I don't own LOTR, ect. Please read & review!  
  
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"It's not fair," mumbled Pippin, "They always blame the hobbit! They never even suspect a great a wonderful wizard, do they? No! Always the hobbit! Where are my rights!?" he screamed feverishly.

"Aw be quiet, will you? I'm trying to read here," said the large muscular elf, lounging in a reclining chair and reading copies of "So Your Boss Has Control Issues" magazine.

"I still don't understand why you have to be in here in the first place!" fumed a very annoyed Pippin.

"I already _told_ you. The padded confinement room is already taken. And you can't just leave a crazy person in a normal room by themselves," stated the elf, "Duh! I thought everyone knew that."

"Don't you 'Duh' me! I'll have you know that I was one of the original fellowship, _and_ helped fight in the war against Sauron's armies, _and_..."

"Whatever," yawned the elf.

"Ahhhhhhh!!!" screamed Pippin madly, beginning to thrash in his strait jacket.

The elf just ignored him until finally, exhausted, Pippin calmed down and lay still.

"Are you done now?" asked the elf.

"Yeah," Pippin said tiredly.

"Good."

Minutes ticked by.

"I'm bored," said the hobbit after wiggling his hairy toes lost its entertainment value.

"Deal with it," replied the elf coldly.

More time passed.

Suddenly Pippin broke into song, "Jingle bells! Gandalf smells! Boromir does too! Eowyn cooked Christmas dinner and Aragorn barfed on Arwen's shoes! Oh..."

"Be... quiet!" yelled the elf, "It's a wonder they didn't put you in a strait jacket before! You are _so_ annoying!"

"Why thank you," smiled the hobbit.

The clock on the wall ticked.

"Oh! Tramping through the woods, Strider needs a bath! What fun it is to—"

"Don't sing another word!" screamed the elf; a large vein pulsed rhythmically on his forehead.

"All right already," scowled Pippin, "No need to get your undies all in a bunch."

The elf scowled back at the annoying hobbit.

"By the way," Pippin asked innocently, "Who _is_ in the padded room?"

"Oh..." the elf rolled his eyes, "that again. Elrond's mother-in-law. She went a little... loopy, you could say."

"Who?" asked Pippin, confused.

"Well, you know, Elrond's mother-in-law. Galadriel."

"What?" the hobbit's mouth fell open.

"I think it had something to do with knocking out an opposing fan at some football game or something."

Pippin sat in stunned silence.

The large elf chuckled, "All someone needs is one look at her, and you seem like one of the sanest people they've ever met."

You could almost see the light bulb go off in Pippin's brain.

The elf continued, "And you don't even want to _know_ what happened to Celeborn..."

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Tell me if you like it, or if it needs any improvement!


	5. Oh Sweetums! You're cold!

First of all, I would like to thank everyone for their great reviews. I deeply appreciate it.

I don't own LOTR, ect. Please read and review!

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"Guess what everybody?" yelled Legolas as he burst into the room.

Everyone looked at him, hoping it wasn't anything too stupid.

"What?" asked Aragorn, unable to resist any longer.

Legolas beamed, "Marcia and I are engaged!"

"WHAT?!!" screamed Gandalf, who then began to yell uncontrollably in an unknown language.

"Umm... who's Marcia?" asked Elrond, confused more at Gandalf's response than anything else.

Aragorn had fallen out of his chair and was sitting on the floor, laughing so hard that he was crying. "Marcia (burst of laughter)...I'm sorry but you see (laughs even harder)... Marcia... (laughter) she's a tree!"

"A tree," stated Elrond, incredulous.

"No she's not!" cried Legolas, his eyes flashing in anger, "She's beautiful and I love her! And if you can't accept that... then... then I don't like you anymore!"

"Pity," laughed Aragorn sarcastically.

Elrond elbowed him in the ribs.

"I'm sure we would all be glad to meet uh... Marcia, right _Gandalf_? _Aragorn_?" Elrond glared at them.

Gandalf reduced his rant to a mutter under his breath, and Aragorn bit his lip to keep from laughing until it began to bleed.

"Good. Show us the way Legolas!" commanded Elrond coolly.

"Yippee!" shouted Legolas joyously as he skipped out the door.

"Ugh," groaned Elrond, "This is going be a very long day..."

They followed him outside, not skipping, of course. Legolas ran up to the tree he had been talking to earlier and hugged it.

"Oh, great," chuckled Aragorn, "Now he's a tree-hugger!"

Elrond ground his heel into Aragorn's foot.

"Ow!" exclaimed Aragorn. He shot a menacing glare at Elrond, "That hurt!"

"So," said Elrond calmly, "This is Marcia."

"Yes!" said Legolas, grinning.

"I see," stated Elrond absently, a slight frown forming on his face.

"What's wrong, Elrond" taunted Gandalf, "Are you finally seeing it our way?"

"Whose way?" asked Aragorn, who had been too preoccupied with his injured foot to listen to the conversation.

"Our way!" said Gandalf.

"What way?!" insisted Aragorn.

"Oh, forget it," said Gandalf in disgust.

Elrond looked thoughtfully at the beaming Legolas.

"Forget... what?!!!!!" screamed Aragorn, unused to not being answered.

"I _said_, never_mind_," said Gandalf, getting extremely irritated.

"FORGET WHAT?!!" roared Aragorn, making Marcia's leaves shake.

"Oh Sweetums, you're cold," Legolas gasped. "Here," he said, a green sweater miraculously appearing in his hand, "Take this sweater." He tied it around the tree.

"For some reason," mumbled Elrond to himself, "I have an odd urge to run screaming from the premise..."

"AAAAAHHHHH!" screamed Aragorn as he ran madly back to the house, an annoyed Gandalf hot on his pursuit.

"You can run, but you can't hide, Aragorn!" yelled Gandalf as he chased the running Aragorn expertly.

"That's it! Why didn't I think of it before?" shouted Elrond and he started swiftly back also, leaving Legolas alone with Marcia.

Finally all was quiet.

"Of course!" said Legolas to Marcia, "They loved you!"

Silence.

"Awww! Do I have to?!" he whined.

More silence.

"No. I won't"

Deathly silence.

"Fine!" shouted Legolas, "Be that way!" Storming away angrily, he didn't pay attention to where he was going.

"Now that we're engaged, she thinks that she has the right to run my life!" fumed Legolas, "Well I'll show her who's the boss around here! I'll show—" Thwonk!

Because of his insane rantings... he had ran into a tree.

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	6. Where's my hammer?

I don't own LOTR, ect. Please read and review!

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"Now, all I need is my extremely large hammer," mumbled Elrond, searching his study carefully for the object.

Suddenly, the door burst open, sending papers flying everywhere.

"Uhhg!" cried Elrond in frustration, his back to the door, as he chased after his white rectangles, "How many times do I have to _tell_ you all not to slam my door open--or _closed_ for that matter either?! It messes up my papers!" He turned to give one of his threatening glares at the person who had so rudely entered his study.

Pippin gave the surprised elf a satisfied grin.

"Pippin!" gasped Elrond. "Oh this is _not_ good..." he began to mumble himself, "The last thing I need is another mentally disturbed person trying to injure me!"

Pippin cleared his throat, "Umm, hello? I'm still here, you know. And," he added, "I can _prove_ I'm not crazy, and that I _didn't_ hit Legolas with that arrow."

"How?" asked Elrond sarcastically, "Do you have a witness?"

"Actually..." Pippin said, smirking.

"You're kidding," said Elrond, incredulous.

"Nope!" stated Pippin triumphantly.

"Who?" Elrond asked.

The small hobbit leaned over and whispered it into Elrond's ear.

"You aren't serious!" Elrond said, unbelieving.

"I am," said Pippin, confident.

"Well..." said Elrond wearily, reaching under his desk and pulling out a large, heavy object, "In that case I had better take my hammer along anyway."

"Your hammer?" Pippin asked, confused.

"Yes, well, Galadriel... let's just say I'm not her _favorite_ person."

"Oh."

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I'm sorry it's so short! The next one will be longer (I hope). But please tell me whether you liked it or not!


	7. I don't like a tree!

Like I promised, this one is longer! I don't own LOTR, ect. Please read and review!  
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Gandalf paced beneath a large tree (not Marcia), muttering angrily. "You fool of a King! Come down!" he shouted.

"No!" yelled back Aragorn, perched precariously in the tree's branches, "You can't make me because_ I_ am the King of Gondor!"

Gandalf sighed in irritation, "You had to pick a tree to climb into, didn't you? It's as if you _knew_ I couldn't climb a tree even if my life depended on it!"

"Really?" Aragorn suddenly became much more hopeful about his situation.

"Oh great! Why did I tell you that?! Now whenever I try to hit you you'll run up a tree!"

Elrond came storming out of Rivendell, his hammer clenched in his hands, followed by a very smug Pippin.

"Gandalf, I believe you have some explaining to do!" fumed Elrond, his face an unsightly red.

Gandalf glanced guiltily at the smirking hobbit. "Umm..."

"Ha! Ha!" laughed Aragorn from his tree, "Gandalf's in trouble!"

The wizard glared at the king, "No I'm not!" he protested, turning to Elrond, "I don't know what you're talking about."

"Yes, you do," stated the elf, clenching and unclenching his hands, still curled around the hammer, "Now talk!"

"About what?" Gandalf pretended to be oblivious to the topic.

"Legolas and a certain arrow. Ring a bell, oh Great White Wizard?" Elrond asked sarcastically, pointing the hammer in Gandalf's direction.

"I can explain!" yelled Gandalf frantically.

"Yes you can! And you will!! Before the council you'll explain!!!" screamed Elrond, waving his hammer around dangerously, "Even if I have to use this hammer, you _will_ explain!"

Gandalf gulped.

"Cool!" yelled Aragorn. Everyone had forgotten him in his tree. "Can I try the hammer?"

"No!!" shouted Elrond angrily.

"Fine," Aragorn said, feeling hurt. He jumped out of the tree and landed on his feet. "I'll just leave, since I'm _obviously _not wanted here."

Elrond was too insane, Gandalf too frightened, and Pippin too amused by the whole scene to notice Aragorn start walking towards where they had left Legolas moments before.

"No one respects me!" Aragorn complained aloud.

"Join the club," a voice said behind him.

Aragorn whirled around, only to see Legolas leaning against a tree frowning to himself. Aragorn had walked right passed him.

"Uh... hi?" asked Aragorn, uncertain of the elf's current state, "How's Marcia?"

"Who?" the blonde elf looked dazedly at him.

"You're fiancé?" Aragorn asked, "Remember?"

Legolas turned bright red. "Oh. That. I thought it was a dream."

Aragorn tried not to laugh, but wasn't successful.

Legolas turned even redder, "It's not funny! I... I couldn't help it! Something hit me on the head! Besides, I ran into a tree by accident. I don't like her—I mean _it_ anymore."

Aragorn suddenly stopped laughing and looked questioningly at the blushing Legolas.

"Stop looking at me that way! I do _not _like a tree!" yelled beet-red Legolas.

"Whatever," Aragorn said with disbelief and great amusement, seriously wondering if that arrow had permanently damaged the elf's brain.

"I _don't_!" he screamed.

Gandalf, Pippin, and Elrond walked into the clearing. Elrond was holding the hammer threateningly at Gandalf, who had a look of defeat.

"Hey," giggled Pippin, "What's wrong with Legolas?"

"There's nothing wrong with me," Legolas said a little too quickly.

"Right," the hobbit said, giggling.

Aragorn couldn't help it; he burst out laughing.

While still retaining his crimson color, Legolas glared at them.

"Gandalf has come to apologize, haven't you, Gandalf?" stated Elrond with authority.

Gandalf sighed, "I'm sorry Legolas. I shouldn't have been playing with your bow, and I should have been more careful."

"Thank you," said Legolas, becoming increasingly embarrassed by Aragorn and Pippin's uncontrollable laughter.

"Be quiet," commanded Elrond.

The laughter stopped.

"Now," he said to Legolas, "I will return you to your former self with this hammer." He raised it over his head, preparing to strike the elf.

"Wait!" cried Aragorn, alarmed, "He already—"

Thwonk!

"Ow!" said Legolas, "What did you do that for?"

"You're not... unconscious?" Aragorn was amazed.

"I didn't hit him that hard!" Elrond insisted, feeling offended, "Did it work?"

Legolas gave an exasperated sigh, "Aragorn was trying to tell you. I'm already back to normal. I... I sort of ran into a tree."

"Ran into a tree?" hooted Pippin with laughter, "That's hilarious! Wait till I tell Merry..."

Legolas sent him a look of poison.

"Now Gandalf," Elrond got back to business, "You need to come with me to the council... and you too Pippin. You and Galadriel are witnesses."

"Me too?" asked Aragorn eagerly, "Am I a witness?"

Elrond rolled his eyes, "If you insist."

"All right! Who's number one!" he yelled, running toward the house while making the number one with his finger.

"Let's go," sighed Elrond.

Pippin followed Elrond with Gandalf trailing behind dejectedly.

Legolas walked silently over to the former love of his life, Marcia the tree.

"I'll never forget you, Marcia!" he said solemnly.

"Oooo!" a voice said, "Legolas and Marcia, Elf and tree! K-I-S-S-I-N-G! First comes love! Then comes marriage! Then comes Legolas pushing a baby—"

"Pippin!" raged Legolas angrily.

The lurking hobbit fled, laughing mischievously, while a bright red Legolas chased him, all the while denying that he was in love with a tree.  
  
**The End.**


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